Season One:

• Life’s a bitch until you die.
• That might play with the masses, but underneath that angry young woman shell, there’s a slightly less angry young woman who’s just dying to bake me something. You’re a marshmallow, Veronica Mars. A twinkie!
• Nope. And you’re usually so good at pop quizzes. No, the correct answer is: my car. That’s right, my Daddy took my T-bird away. And you know what I won’t be having? Fun, fun, fun.
• Minimum word count of 500. There’s no concrete restriction on length, but please don’t send in a whole novel of a challenge.
• Yeah, it is. The hero is the one that stays and the villain is the one that splits.
• Tragedy blows through your life like a tornado, uprooting everything, creating chaos. You wait for the dust to settle, and then you choose. You can live in the wreckage and pretend it’s still the mansion you remember. Or you can crawl from the rubble and slowly rebuild. Because after disaster strikes, the important thing is that you move on. But if you’re like me, you just keep chasing the storm.
• It’s not going to work. You can’t take the cool out of me. Look, pocket protector and I’m still full of pimp juice.
• Tonight, you lucky boy, I’m all nerd hag.
• You know those people who can predict when change is coming in their life? I’m not one of them. Change has a way of just walking up and punching me in the face.
• The best way to dull the pain of your best friend’s murder is to have your mother abandon you as soon as possible. It’s like hitting your thumb with a hammer. Then, when it’s throbbing so badly you don’t think you’ll survive, you cut the damn thing off.
• Mr. Navarro. I wonder if you’ll find Mr. Echolls so amusing ten years from now – when you’re pumping his gas.
• You crazy kids, the stuff you’re into. Hula-Hoops, cramming into phone booths, visiting death-row inmates. What’s it gonna be next month?
• I’d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.
• Don’t worry, it’s his specialty. Busting heads and breaking hearts
• I admit it: I splurged and spent ten bucks to read my own purity test. Apparently I’ve pleasured the swim team while jacked up on goofballs.
• Meg was one of those Britney Spears virgins, huh? And you were her noble Justin, just keeping it all on the down low.
• I need to tell you that when we were dating, I had VD. I hope you didn’t catch anything from me.” Am I naked? Because in my nightmares, I’m usually naked.
• What is your deal? You’re jacked up like some hillbilly kid who just stumbled into daddy’s meth lab.
• This is so endearing. My badass action-figure daughter is afraid to draw a teensy little drop of blood.
• Help! I knew I should have included a few discreet lesbian overtones in that poem.
• I knew it. This is when the cult leader claims me as his new bride.
• You’re saying you don’t want my money, you don’t want my body, you don’t want me working in your ganja fields, you just want me to be happy. Strange.
• See, there you go with that head tilt thing. You know, you think you’re all bad-ass, but whenever you need something, it’s all “Hey.”
• Just be glad I don’t flip my hair. I’d own you.
• What, are we breaking up now? You want your best friend charm back?
• What was I thinking? Christmas in Neptune is, was and always will be, about the trappings: the lights and the tinsel they use to cover up the sordidness, the corruption. No, Veronica, there is no Santa Claus.
• I prefer the biker bar by the train station. I get more attention there.
• So this is all about tourist revenue? God bless America.
• Your mom sued her parents for emancipation when she was 16 and then moved to Hollywood. According to the Internet Movie Database, she went on to play such roles as Trucker’s Girlfriend, Screaming Maid, and Bi-curious Roommate.
• With your sleuth prowess and my programming skills, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that we would rule the entire known universe.
• Same old story: girl uses boy, girl falls for boy, boy saves girl’s dad’s life, girl gets what she deserves.
• I need you to poke around and see if you can get me a fake ID. If you must seduce the head cheerleader in order to accomplish your mission, so be it.
• Hi, everybody! Say “repressed homosexuality!”
• Not sure myself. Something that ends in -aroni.
• She sent a telegram. Heartbroken. Stop. Can’t make it back from Sydney. Stop. Underwater shoot starts tomorrow. Stop. Entire crew said prayer for mom. Stop. Love you. Stop.
• You know what Mom would have wanted! She would have wanted you to not sleep with all her friends. She would have wanted you to care as much about her as your career. So okay, Dad, let’s be honest. Maybe we both wished we’d been better. But she’s only gone because of you.
• This isn’t a favor. It’s a job, you know. I mean, we’re not exchanging friendship bracelets.
• Finally! A Deep Throat to call my own.
• Caz is always flirty with me, but that guy would flirt with a trash can if it had boobs.
• A reputation as a jock-sniffer. You can B your own FF. I’m retired.
• That or a drunk dingo had a three-way with an ocelot and a porcupine.
• Wow, sugarpuss! You’ve certainly been a busy little bee. Ah, she’s a keeper!
• Mexican hairless. What’s the point of having a dog if it’s bald? What are you gonna pet? Skin?
• Love stinks. You can dress it up with sequins and shoulder pads, but one way or another, you’re just gonna end up alone at the spring dance strapped into uncomfortable underwear.
• Streets? You live on the corner of Pleasant Valley and Marigold.
• At my old school I was Horny! [receives odd looks] We were the Rhinos. I was the mascot.
• I’m nearly bursting with Pirate pride here. Weevil wanna punch a cracker.
• Look, I don’t know if you were looking for “Pimp” in the phone book and just stopped at P.I….
• Hello? Yes, this is ‘Miss Sabrina’. A bad boy? Well…Nestor Greely of Encinitas, twenty grand on credit cards, two divorces, and a repo’d Sebring. You have been a bad boy! Miss Sabrina commands you: put your pants back on and get a job!
• He’s a fine gentleman, Pa. He’ll come up with the dowry to marry me, just you wait.
• Dear Seventeen Magazine, how can I tell if the really cute boy in my class has a crush on me? No, strike that. Dear Seventeen, how can I tell if the really cute boy in my class murdered his sister?
• No, but earlier I saw him cutting a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket.
• Alrighty, Logan, we’ll just skip over the two minutes in heaven we had. You want to pretend it never happened? No argument here. My lips, for all intents and purposes, are sealed.
• Hmm, would you look at that? [mimics pulling something from his mouth] There was a string attached to my Pop Tart. [tosses away imaginary string]
• Meet in mop closets? Pass each other secret notes in the hallway? Come on, I’ll drive you home on the back streets.
• Trust me, you don’t want to date me. I’m a train wreck. Seriously. The first guy I ever loved just dropped off the face of the earth, probably because of something I said. And the last guy I dated turned out to be a drug dealer. And I just made out with my dead best friend’s boyfriend, who — incidentally — I hate. So… [points to self] Train wreck.
• The one who eats from the garbage and keeps bringing me dead birds?
• What, like, will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say “I wuv you beary much?”
• It’s all fun and games until one of you gets my foot up your ass.
• You do not want to start today with me, Paco.
• I’m sure I’ll thoroughly enjoy them – right up until my esophagus closes up and cuts off my air supply and I shuffle off this mortal coil. Perhaps my last words will be “Great crab, Papa.” [Aaron looks confused] I’m allergic to shellfish.
• Because you’re my sister, and I knew it! E-even after my mother told me, I tried to just cut you out of my life. I loved you! I tried not to, I TRY not to, but it won’t go away!
• I’m betting Madison gave you a trip to the dentist. It’s her thing. She does it to people she doesn’t like. She spits in a cocktail and calls it a trip to the dentist. ‘Cause we’re in eighth grade.
• Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica, you leave. Actually, you have a problem with Veronica, you’re pretty much dead to me, so just, like, evaporate or something, I dunno.
• I can’t take that I hurt you when all I want to do is protect you.
• “Logan, I’m gonna go home and put my head in the oven because I can’t go on living knowing what a heartless bitch I am!” Something like that.
• [scoffs] Is that what you’d do, boy? You’d tear out my throat? [kneels down to dog] Who’s a man killer, huh? [Backup kisses Logan] Who’s a man killer?