Author: Jamie
Rated: PG

Silence. Silence surrounded him, embracing and overtaking him. He hated the silence. It made him think of the awful mistakes he had made, the temper that surpassed him. He lived a different life before, one that was full of love and laughter, now he had nothing but the silence, the silence and the unbearable pain in his heart. The pain that he had put there. It was his own fault that he was alone; he was the one who messed up and inflicted the pain upon himself. Now he would just have to cope with it the best way he could. If only the haunting voice would leave his mind.

Hello…
Can you hear me
Am I getting through to you…

Her voice. He could hear it chanting over and over in his head. He detested it. Her voice was making him crazy, knowing he would never hear it again. She would never speak to him again, not that he blamed her. He would never speak to her again if she had reacted the way that he did. She wanted not a single thing more to do with him. She had made that perfectly clear when she left. He had really screwed things up this time, and nothing he said was going to change that. He hated himself for what he had done, to her, to himself. He knew that she couldn’t forgive him for what had happened, and he knew inevitably that he would lose her, but that didn’t soften the blow. He just wanted her back.

Hello…
Is it late there?

What was the point in anything anymore? What was the point in feeling this helpless, this destroyed? She was the only thing that made him happy, now she was gone. He was supposed to go on living as if nothing was wrong, as if his world had not crashed down around his shoulders all because of his stupidity. He could not handle it. He could not handle the suffocating feeling of emptiness, of knowing that he was nothing without her by his side. He just couldn’t handle life anymore. Her voice was getting louder.

Are you sure you’re there alone?
‘Cause I’m
Trying to explain
Something’s wrong
You just don’t sound the same…

She knew something was going to happen, she could feel it. She wanted nothing more to do with him, or so she thought. She was confused, but even in her wake of confusion she could still feel that something was going to happen. Something was going to go wrong.

They had a bond that no one could even begin to explain. She could feel what he felt; she could tell what he was thinking. She had tried in her mind to let him know that things were ok, that they would work it out. Even though she swore him off she still loved him more than anything and didn’t like the feeling she was having.

She had sent him messages in her mind, just praying that he understood and wouldn’t do anything destructive. She loved him, but he had hurt her, badly. So she had protected her heart and ran, leaving the broken man in her absence. She knew he was hurting, but millions of miles, and a broken heart were keeping her from soothing all of his heartache and pain.

If you knew what I’m left imagining
In my mind

“It’s ok.” The phrase that had taken permanent residence in his head. He hated those two words. They didn’t exist. It was not ok, nor would it ever be again. He had messed up and let her slip away, she was never coming back. She left and she was never coming back, and he couldn’t stand to go on living this way, without her. He needed her to breathe. She was the oxygen that he took in. He needed her touch to move. He was lifeless without her. His every though and action depended on her. One stupid mistake, and his whole life was ripped away from him. There was no point in living if he didn’t have her.

What’s new?
How’s the weather
Is it stormy where you are?

He slowly lifted himself up off the floor that he had been lying on for the past couple of days. He had fallen there after smashing his fist into a wall and had not managed to get back up. He physically didn’t have any strength left in him. It had diminished with all of his crying.

He was sick of fighting the pain. It seemed to suffocate him no matter what he did. He could not escape from it. It hunted him down no matter where he went. He knew he deserved all the pain the world could give him, but he had no idea it would be as torturous as it was. It was unbearable. He didn’t know how much longer he could last, especially with her voice in his head.

Hello…
Do you miss me?
I hear you say you do
But not the way I’m missing you

He entered the bathroom and opened the cabinet door. The glinting metal surface of a razor blade caught his attention. He closed his eyes tightly for a few seconds before he reached for it. Abandoning the thoughts of just simply taking Tylenol, he closed the cabinet door and looked into the mirror. He turned on the facet and splashed the cool water onto his heated face.

The images of that fateful night managed to flash into his mind. The was he accused her of cheating on him, even though he knew deep in his heart the accusation was not true. He had let his jealousy overtake him and he had screamed at her, demanding an explanation. She had shouted back, tying desperately to make him see that he was the only one she wanted.

He had seen one of her male friends hug her tightly when he picked her up from the library and immediately it set him off. They were doing a school project together and were doing research at the library. Nick had immediately jumped to conclusions and accused her of cheating before he though about what he was doing.

It was not the first time by any means. Every time one of her guy friends called he got angry and jealous. His temper would get the better of him and then they would end up in an argument. He hated it when they fought, but it seemed like he was the one who fueled it.

After that though, Gentry, had decided that enough was enough, and she couldn’t handle being with someone as controlling as he was. It hurt both of them tremendously, but it was the right thing to do.

He had committed the worst mistake of his life. He had judged her. He had hurt her in a way that could never be repairable. He had wedged the knife in her heart and continued to shove it in deeper as he yelled and screamed at her. The tears had seemed to fall like a river. Falling helplessly down her cheeks and onto her lips, making her make up smear. He had been drunk and stupid, and had lost the only thing that ever mattered. He lost his love. He loved her more than life itself. There was a large empty hole in his soul that only she could fill, and she was gone.

He picked up the razor and rolled up his sleeves. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. He did not even look like the same person. He had cried almost nonstop for the last two weeks. He sneered at his reflection and calmly pressed the blade to his skin. He made a couple of deep gashes on his left wrist before the shrill scream of the telephone stopped him from doing any more damage.

Hello…
Can you hear me
Am I getting through to you?

She did not want to talk to him. Well that’s what she kept telling herself over and over again. The urge had grown stronger and more than ever she believed that Nick was in trouble. She had to make sure he was ok, if not for him, then for her own piece of mind. She had picked up the phone, and with shaky hands dialed the familiar number. Her heart was in her throat as the phone call went through. She sighed deeply, when after five rings no one picked up. She wanted to just hang up, forget she had even called, but something was keeping her from doing so.

Are you sure you’re there alone?
‘Cause I’m
trying to explain
Something’s wrong
You just don’t sound the same

He dropped the razor blade in the sink and watched as the blood oozed out of the wounds. The consistent ringing of the telephone was starting to get on his nerves. He rinsed of his wrist and walked into the living room. He stared at the phone for a moment debating on whether or not to pick it up. His gut instinct won out and he carefully picked up the phone, trying hard not to get blood on it.

His voice was shaky as he rasped out a hello. He swore his heart stopped beating when he heard the familiar angelic voice invade his ear. He closed his eyes tightly trying his best not to cry.

“Nicky,” she whispered. “Are you ok?”

He swallowed the urge to cry and whispered just as quietly as she had. “I’m ok.”

She was silent for a moment and just listened to the sound of his shallow breathing. She missed him. Hearing his voice brought back even more painful memories and the urge to hold him intensified. She knew he was not ok, but she did not know how to make him tell her what was going on.

“Baby, tell me what’s wrong. What is going on? I know you are not fine, I can feel it Nicky. Please let me help you, talk to me.”

That is all it took for the broken man to crumble. He fell to his knees and held his wrist tightly with his right hand. She still cared, she had too, and he couldn’t make it without her. The dam broke and he struggled to breathe as sobs racked his body.

“It hurts,” he choked out through his tears.

“What hurts baby?” she asked thinking the worst.

“My heart, my wrist. It all hurts so badly. The pain is almost unbearable.” He looked out the window and watched the rain fall gently as he cried.

“What’s wrong with your wrist baby, did you twist it or something?” she asked softly.

She missed him more than she could imagine. She could envision him on the floor. She could hear his heart wrenching sobs and it broke her heart all over again. He had to be sorry. She knew he was. She could imagine how miserable he was without her, because it was the same thing she felt without him.

“I cut it,” he cried.

“What do you mean you cut it? With a knife?” Her heart stopped and tears pricked her eyes.

“No, with a razor. I couldn’t handle the pain anymore. It hurt so badly. I missed you so much. I could not take it anymore. I had to do something. So I slit my wrist. It’s bleeding.” His voice was childlike as he explained what he had done.

Her heart was in her throat as the tears began to cascade down her face. She couldn’t believe how tore up he was. She missed him so bad. She just wanted to take his pain away. She wanted to be with him. She could not believe she ever left him to begin with. She loved him more than life itself. She had to fix this.

“Baby listen to me ok. Go into the bathroom and get a few band – aids. Try to get the bleeding to stop. I’m so sorry Nicky. I love you so much baby.”

She closed her eyes tightly as the tears fell she didn’t know what to say to him to make the pain stop. He needed her, and she needed him. She went into her bedroom to pack a suitcase. She couldn’t help him if she was this far away. She quickly packed her necessities and carried the suitcase downstairs.

“I love you, so much it hurts. I can’t be without you, I just can’t. I tried, but I love you. I hate myself for what I did, but I can’t handle life without you in it. I need you to breathe. Please give me another chance. I swear I will change. I really can’t make it without you. Please,” he begged her as the tears continued to fall.

“Baby I need you too. I love you more than anything, don’t worry we are going to be all right. I love you. Don’t worry about second chances, you are the only one who has my heart, and I don’t plan on taking it back. You are my life. I love you. I hated being without you too, but I’m coming to you now,” she said soothingly.

“You’re coming here?” He asked as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Yes, I am. I will be with you soon. I love you. Has the bleeding slowed any?” she asked praying he was ok.

“Yes, the cuts weren’t very deep. You called before I could do any real damage. I love you so much. What do I do until you get here? I miss you.”

“You kiss the rain,” she said simply.

“What do you mean?” he asked confused.

“It’s raining right? Well go outside and kiss the rain. When you need me while I’m on my way there, kiss the rain. Kiss the rain and think of me. Keep in mind, we run to the same sky. When I need you I kiss the rain. If you can’t wait till morning when I get there, then go outside and kiss the rain,” she explained.

“Ok. I love you. I’ll see you in the morning.” He said as he hung up the phone.

He got up off the floor and walked to the nearest window. The rain was falling softly outside. He couldn’t believe that in less than an hour he had her back. She was his and she was coming to him. He couldn’t wait to hold her, to kiss her. He thought about what she had said for a moment before he opened the front door and stepped outside. He stood on the porch and watched the rain falling all around him. He closed his eyes and ran off the porch. He stood in the middle of the yard and spun around slowly, allowing the rain envelope him. He opened his eyes and stared at the sky. In just a little while the love of his life would be up therein the sky

flying, flying to him. He kissed the rain and thanked God for giving him the second chance at love.

Why don’t you go outside?
Kiss the rain whenever you need me

Kiss the rain
Whenever I’m gone too long
If your lips feel lonely and thirsty

Kiss the rain and wait for the dawn
Keep in mind we’re under the same sky

And the night’s as empty for me as for you
If you feel you can’t wait till morning

Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn

Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain…